I went into a store today, and as always i have to walk by the women's clothes section without looking interested. I hate seeing a dress or a blouse and not getting to stop and pick it up to look at it. I know most of the clothes i couldn't wear even if i wanted, but in my mind eye i can see them on me, well not me but a version of me. I love going with my girls to clothes stores, i live vicariously through them. There is a deep pain inside though, not getting to participate like i truly want to.
I always borrowed my girlfriends clothes, then my ex wife's. I have borrowed my fiances clothes, but she was very upset so i stopped. I didn't take into consideration how she may feel. I have just always done this to survive, borrowing clothes so that i didn't have a closet full of women's clothes to be found. I felt horrible. So now I'm buying some of my own clothes, a little at a time. I've started wearing women's jeans and panties on a daily basis, it's very hard to tell, so i can feel good but not alert anyone.