I had a great weekend! I didn’t go out as Beth. I am still working up the nerve, and to be honest, the body for this. I have body issues, aside from being male, that center on my getting fat after I turned 35. I went through a divorce that destroyed my self-esteem and I let myself go. Really the marriage is what destroyed the self-esteem, she got my ego in the divorce. (lol) Anyway, I am bigger than I would like to be, so I am working out, trying to get fit. I am not trying to be a fashion model, I am trying to be fit and feel good about myself. This is all a process and I have to follow my own logic for it. I want to be at least fit, if my face still looks male. Ok, back to why it was a great weekend…
Michelle, my wife, out of nowhere and with enthusiasm showed me how to put on makeup! She had just gone through her weekend morning routine, wake up, sit on couch and go through all her social media, make tea or coffee. When she asked if I would like to see how her makeup routineshe does during the week, and how to apply them. I told her that would be great, and she gathered all the materials at the kitchen breakfast bar.
She showed me on herself, and I understand she doesn’t do makeup on other people; it’s the equivalent to my trying to tie a tie on someone else. It is much easier to do it on myself. So I watched and took mental notes. For instance I got primer, and after watching her, realized I was applying it far too thick and incorrectly. She gave me really good tips and she also took the time to tell me what brushes to use for each application. It was really wonderful, I am so grateful she took the time to show me this. Also, I hope that this means that she is working through a process of accepting who I am more. That eventually she will be alright with full time Beth, and say goodbye to the guy. It is a very good sign, and I love her so much.
R didn’t get to do a makeup session with me this weekend; she had a friend over unexpectedly. She had gone to a school game with her friend, L and L’s parents were supposed to pick her up, but that didn’t happen and they couldn’t get ahold of them. So we brought them home and L spent the night. So that threw off our makeup session. I will try to get it done next weekend, and I will be taking photos!
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Also, I got to chat with Avril on Facebook, for much longer than I think she wanted, lol! I am on Facebook now, as Beth! It's still on private everything, but it's a nice big step. Avril invited to a lot of wonderful groups, of which I am grateful for. I am an introvert, so I won't join things like this without some prodding. (Thank you Avril!)
I am feeling a lot better with all these positive things happening. I want to be a positive person, I tend to dwell on negative aspects so I won't be disappointed.