Monday, November 21, 2016

The Outed Introvert

I told you before, dear readers, about how my eldest son had stumbled upon me being, well me. He was taken aback, we talked and he took it really well. I knew that there could be consequences, not for him knowing, but for his knowing AND continued childishness and selfish nature. These sound harsh, but I was hopeful that he would grow out of this, he may still. 

He has a drinking problem, which can be attributed to being 22 or truly has a problem with drinking. He was drunk with his friends, and his aunt (who is the same age as he). During this drinking binge he decided to out me to his aunt, who is still living with my in-laws. She told them about me and they are trying to find out if it’s true from my wife. My in-laws, I love them, but they are hard right republicans and I don’t think they would do well having this information. My wife has been frantically attempting to spin this into our sons drunken BS. I am resigned to them knowing. I don’t care if they know; I’m so tired of lying to cover things like this. I’m not happy about being outed. I think it’s a terrible thing to do to someone, especially family. I would think that my son would respect me enough to keep this to himself, even in his drunken state. But perhaps I am expecting too much from people again. Too much from a son with loose lips, too much from a wife that shouldn’t be so concerned about how this makes her look. This is how I feel, regardless of the way they may see it.

 

I’m trying very hard to be positive, to use this as a way to build on who I am. But I am feeling hurt and the more I think about this the more it makes me feel unimportant and like somehow I am the punchline in a joke. Being a fool isn’t something I have ever enjoyed, and I feel as if this is how I am viewed while I am not around. 

Even if my in-laws are uncomfortable, I would rather my wife had just said yes, she is trans. This would have ended things;they would have questions and would have had an awkward Thanksgiving this week. But I think it would have been better. Instead, my wife is lying, asking my son to lie to cover for his faux pas. Spinning these lies only makes it harder later on. It makes this an issue, when it could have just ended. I feel like I have people making excuses for me, I don’t know when in my life I have ever needed someone to do that. 


This isn’t a pity post. Don’t feel bad for me; just put this into your memory. When these things come up, they should be dealt with. You aren’t guaranteed a good result, just one you can live with. So now I have to find a way to tell them the truth without causing my wife issues. I didn’t want this, none of this. I came into the world, how I came in with no more control than anyone else. And I’m cursed with the consequences every single day. Frustration doesn’t seem like a strong enough word.

6 comments:

  1. Damn, I'm sorry. After you've spent so much of your life lying, hiding and essentially being untruthful - it sucks that lies are resorted to yet again.

    I'm in a very similar position as you, so the "your" above could be "me".

    I agree completely. Once you finally get to the point of self-acceptance and start to remove the mask and the lies from your life, you want to just deal with the truth from that point on - no matter how hard it is.

    I hope everything works out as smoothly as it possibly can.

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  2. Tess, It's true, deception was a large part of my life, I had hoped that I was getting out of that. I think every Trans has had to do this in their lives, even if they came out the first day. There is the lie of omission, when you don't tell everyone you meet about your biology. I think that can be forgiven, as who wants to know all the details about you on that level? I don't expect that a guy I meet on the street will tell me how he has one shrunken testicle, or how he lost a nipple to a beaver attack.
    Everything works out how it should. We get little choice on the thoughts and actions of others. I will stand up and deal with it, and they will do what they have to do. I've already fought in one war, I can fight another if I have to. I'll just do it in far better looking shoes.

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  3. It does seem the logical thing for your wife to take this opportunity to tell her parents now as they will find out sometime anyway. It is kind of opposite of where my sons suspects about Lucy but I am not allowed to tell as it is not the right time for Lucy.
    I can understand that you feel betrayed by your son doing this as it seems it was the worst person he could have told.
    I too (as you know) hate this twilight world of lies and cannot wait for it to finish so we can both be open and honest with everyone.
    Stay strong as there is always good in the bad. We just don't always see it at first.

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    1. I suppose the silver lining in all of this was that throughout this situation, my wife didn't blame me or wasn't angry with me at all. I was kind of ready for her to be angry that I created this situation or to at least be upset. She was only angry with our son and didn't become passively aggressive towards me. I look at it as this is giving them a primer, the idea to build on. I know that they know something isn't right, that our son wouldn't lie about something like that. So, they will be processing this in the backs of their minds. Trying to find the other silver lining.

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  4. I'm sorry your drunken son did that. Maybe your wife is just effectively "buying time" -- and by Thanksgiving next year, it will all be out there (if you want that)! Sara

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    1. That is what I am hopeful for, Sara. I think it will work out, just takes time and I am not patient. :)

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