I told you before, dear readers, about how my eldest son had stumbled upon me being, well me. He was taken aback, we talked and he took it really well. I knew that there could be consequences, not for him knowing, but for his knowing AND continued childishness and selfish nature. These sound harsh, but I was hopeful that he would grow out of this, he may still.
He has a drinking problem, which can be attributed to being 22 or truly has a problem with drinking. He was drunk with his friends, and his aunt (who is the same age as he). During this drinking binge he decided to out me to his aunt, who is still living with my in-laws. She told them about me and they are trying to find out if it’s true from my wife. My in-laws, I love them, but they are hard right republicans and I don’t think they would do well having this information. My wife has been frantically attempting to spin this into our sons drunken BS. I am resigned to them knowing. I don’t care if they know; I’m so tired of lying to cover things like this. I’m not happy about being outed. I think it’s a terrible thing to do to someone, especially family. I would think that my son would respect me enough to keep this to himself, even in his drunken state. But perhaps I am expecting too much from people again. Too much from a son with loose lips, too much from a wife that shouldn’t be so concerned about how this makes her look. This is how I feel, regardless of the way they may see it.
I’m trying very hard to be positive, to use this as a way to build on who I am. But I am feeling hurt and the more I think about this the more it makes me feel unimportant and like somehow I am the punchline in a joke. Being a fool isn’t something I have ever enjoyed, and I feel as if this is how I am viewed while I am not around.
Even if my in-laws are uncomfortable, I would rather my wife had just said yes, she is trans. This would have ended things;they would have questions and would have had an awkward Thanksgiving this week. But I think it would have been better. Instead, my wife is lying, asking my son to lie to cover for his faux pas. Spinning these lies only makes it harder later on. It makes this an issue, when it could have just ended. I feel like I have people making excuses for me, I don’t know when in my life I have ever needed someone to do that.
This isn’t a pity post. Don’t feel bad for me; just put this into your memory. When these things come up, they should be dealt with. You aren’t guaranteed a good result, just one you can live with. So now I have to find a way to tell them the truth without causing my wife issues. I didn’t want this, none of this. I came into the world, how I came in with no more control than anyone else. And I’m cursed with the consequences every single day. Frustration doesn’t seem like a strong enough word.